Not Your Regular New Years Goals

I hate endings. I always have.

I cry when a good book ends.

I hate sending my people off on a plane.

I throw a pity party when I pick my last garden crop.

I'll keep asking questions and hold on a little tighter to a good conversation.

When a delicious meal ends, I'll contemplate having more...even if I'm full to the brim.

New Years Eve is always bittersweet to me. When the clock changes from 11:59 pm to 12:00 am, I can't help but feel that I missed out on something. I want to scream, "Wait! There is still so much more that I could have given. So many more friendships I could have nurtured. So many more places I could have experienced. More recipes I could have tried. I want more time with my people."

2021 was a year of trial. This year, when the clock turned to midnight....I felt like a part of me will always be in 2021, a part of me died with the deaths I experienced. I felt like I could live in that minute forever, in the space between 2021 and 2022. Sad for what could have been and didn't ever come, scared to hope for what 2022 could bring.

This part about me used to be something I would judge about myself. Pull yourself together, JamieLee....you should have appreciated the moments more when they were here.

But now, instead of judging my hate of endings...I look deeper. Should I get frustrated with myself that I enjoy the moments that were given to me? Moment so sweet, that all I want to do is to relieve it...soak it all in. If I only had more time.

I love getting lost in someone else's story, hearing their heart and viewing the world through their eyes.

I love spending days on end with my people, mornings in our jammies, sipping coffee and talking about all things of life.

I love sunny days spent in the garden, watching miracles grow right before my eyes and slowing down enough to hear God speak to me.

I love sitting across the table and hearing the reasons behind people's heartache. Hearing the dreams they have for their lives. Hearing what they're learning through the mundane days.

I love siting around the table with people, eating good food and laughing until our bellies hurt.

And as it is my nature, it's hard to end this post. This isn't the classic "new-year-set goals-inspirational post", no. It's for the gal who is also sad to see something end, in all it's beauty and pain. It's for the gal who's sitting in that in between....sitting in the moments of today daydreaming about yesterday and hoping for tomorrow.

xoxo

He Provides

“He makes grass grow for the cattle,

and plants for people to cultivate—

bringing forth food from the earth:

wine that gladdens human hearts,

oil to make their faces shine,

and bread that sustains their hearts.”

Psalm 104

A lie I believed for far too long was this: God won’t provide for me. 

If I did believe that He would provide, it was for a split moment and the moment that lead up to it was because of something I did to “achieve” what I received. 

I was challenged to combat this lie every morning with verses from The Word the prove it false. 

Every morning I took my thoughts captive and fought my lie with His Truths. For 40 days.

I believe it all the way down in my bones know…He provides for me.

Little did I know this months ago, that today we would all be living in a season where we have to trust He will provide is some of the most tangible ways: money to pay our bills, food on the table, Joy in the chaos. 

But here’s the thing about all that’s uncomfortable right now… we ALWAYS have to trust He will provide for us. Our current circumstances are highlighting that truth. But my prayer for all of us is that we will carry what we are learning in this storm when the calm comes. 

Do you see Him providing for you, right now?

Do you feel His Joy?