Not Your Regular New Years Goals

I hate endings. I always have.

I cry when a good book ends.

I hate sending my people off on a plane.

I throw a pity party when I pick my last garden crop.

I'll keep asking questions and hold on a little tighter to a good conversation.

When a delicious meal ends, I'll contemplate having more...even if I'm full to the brim.

New Years Eve is always bittersweet to me. When the clock changes from 11:59 pm to 12:00 am, I can't help but feel that I missed out on something. I want to scream, "Wait! There is still so much more that I could have given. So many more friendships I could have nurtured. So many more places I could have experienced. More recipes I could have tried. I want more time with my people."

2021 was a year of trial. This year, when the clock turned to midnight....I felt like a part of me will always be in 2021, a part of me died with the deaths I experienced. I felt like I could live in that minute forever, in the space between 2021 and 2022. Sad for what could have been and didn't ever come, scared to hope for what 2022 could bring.

This part about me used to be something I would judge about myself. Pull yourself together, JamieLee....you should have appreciated the moments more when they were here.

But now, instead of judging my hate of endings...I look deeper. Should I get frustrated with myself that I enjoy the moments that were given to me? Moment so sweet, that all I want to do is to relieve it...soak it all in. If I only had more time.

I love getting lost in someone else's story, hearing their heart and viewing the world through their eyes.

I love spending days on end with my people, mornings in our jammies, sipping coffee and talking about all things of life.

I love sunny days spent in the garden, watching miracles grow right before my eyes and slowing down enough to hear God speak to me.

I love sitting across the table and hearing the reasons behind people's heartache. Hearing the dreams they have for their lives. Hearing what they're learning through the mundane days.

I love siting around the table with people, eating good food and laughing until our bellies hurt.

And as it is my nature, it's hard to end this post. This isn't the classic "new-year-set goals-inspirational post", no. It's for the gal who is also sad to see something end, in all it's beauty and pain. It's for the gal who's sitting in that in between....sitting in the moments of today daydreaming about yesterday and hoping for tomorrow.

xoxo

Refining Rich

We ended 2017 quiet, slow and restful. A launching pad for my vision for 2018: more rest, less striving.

We cooked slow, delicious meals. We felt the warmth of the sun on our face. We rested, gave each other the Raindrop Technique, and listened to our bodies. We felt the dirt on our skin and smelt the fresh air in our hair when we came inside at night. We woke up as the sun was rising and paused to enjoy the sun setting at night.

We sat down with each cup of coffee in the morning, felt the warmth of it in our hands and the warmth as we drank it. Took deep breaths, let our mind rest.

I want this year to be more about rest, but that does not mean out lives are slowing down. Quite the opposite, actually. It is about being intentional in the everyday moments. Listening to your body, God and to others. Listening and loving.

I found a prayer of mine I wrote last spring today. This is what it said:

May 22nd, 2017

“That the Lord would daily refine what our definition of rich is. To have a rich life, in family, friends, faith and food. To have daily bread. To depend on Him. To be rich in love and live a life that is whole. To have our health be one of our biggest treasures. To sit at the table, invite others in and enjoy the normal mercies of life. To taste good food, to taste of a good God and to be refreshed.”

Amen.